Gratitude (2022)

I remember it being September, the air still thick with summer's hot breath of humidity. I was back on Facebook after a long and healing hiatus, and I thought, maybe this year, I'll post things I'm thankful for. I'll do it in November, of course, the month where you have to be thankful, and I'll just publicly praise God for sweet gifts like slow mornings and fun friends. At the very least, I'd journal about it. And if that didn't work out, I promised myself I would think thankful thoughts.

And yet I woke up this morning, November 8th, the sky streaked pink in the post-Daylight Savings dawn. I didn't have a slow morning. In fact, I didn't get out of bed until well after seven. I hurriedly put on stretched-out jeans from a half-decade of use and willed the clogged, slowly-dying coffee machine to please spit me out enough McCafe bean juice to fill a mug. I rushed through my quiet time (ironic when my head is spinning and my mind is shouting), rushed to school, rushed past my co-workers, and rushed to write the date on the board so students wouldn't ask fifteen times. "November 8th," I gasped. "I forgot to be thankful."

I thought back to those September sentiments, that time when I promised myself I'd give thanks in November. I wouldn't forget this year; I wouldn't let it slip away.

But of course, life was slower then. Simpler. Maybe even sweeter. That was when I still woke up with energy; when my students weren't yet so needy and complacent, the coffee maker had full power and mornings weren't met with such a bitter winter chill. My grandpa was healthier. We hadn't yet been exposed to the heart-wrenching woes of foster care.

And yet if I really think about it, it's not that I have less to be thankful for now. If anything, I have more. I think that a part of sanctification is that God's grace allows us to grow to see His hand in every situation. And if those situations are gut-churning or heart-wrenching or debt-inducing or patience-testing, then it's simple: they're reminders that we're not yet home. Reaffirmations that nothing in this world can satisfy us like our God.

So even when it feels less natural, less intuitive to be thankful, I must remember that my gratitude is not contingent on present circumstances. I have infinite reasons to give thanks -- even and especially when life is hard. This year's gratitude list is a bit less sparkly and shiny than years before. But it's every bit as robust and hard-won and jam-packed with reminders of God's faithfulness. May the desert moments help me appreciate the wellspring of living water all the more!

For fear of further forgetfulness, I must not delay. I bring to you Gratitude, 2022.

- I am thankful for mornings I wake up tired because they remind me that God provided the job I so desperately wanted.
- I am thankful for the coffee maker, which chugs and spits and barely works, because it forces me to slow down and learn patience.
- I am thankful for the laundry which seems unending, because it means my husband and I have clothes on our back.
- I am thankful for the foster care system, and as tragic as situations may be, I am thankful that God sustains, comforts and draws us in, always provides, and reminds me that He is a good, good Father when earthly fathers fail to be.
- I am thankful for the bitter chill of morning, because the change of seasons brings a new beauty, a different pace, and different ways to recognize God's splendor.
- I am thankful for the early and grueling setup of our church plant, because that means the local church gets to gather that day.
- I am thankful for the whining, complaining, sniffling and snickering of students, because God has placed these students under my care for a reason, and I praise Him for the opportunities that come with that. 
- I am thankful for knee pain, sore shoulders and tired joints, because these subject-to-decay bodies are eagerly awaiting a future glory with which none can compare. Every ache brings a longing for Heaven, and for that I am thankful.

So it looks different, this year. That will probably only continue as I age. But I hope the trials of life will ever point me to the gracious presence of our Heavenly Father, who took on flesh to ransom our rebellious souls. 

To God be the glory.

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