Long-Game Mentality

There’s a lot I’ve learned about love that seeps beyond the surface of what Pinterest would deem a “perfect love story” or “relationship goals.” In a world that thrives off of immediate gratification, instant attention, and the “I want it now” mentality, I think sometimes we grow disillusioned to what love really looks like, feels like, and how to make it last.

I’ve been engaged for nearly two months now and I'm learning that there is so much more to love than the seemingly mandatory “if he doesn’t bring you chocolate and Chipotle EVERY MORNING, be done with him” brought to you by all our favorite influensters. In fact, there is a lot of what I would venture to call “un-glamor” that is really indicative of deep, beautiful love. More importantly, I think that is a more accurate reflection of Christ’s love for his bride (a reflection that serves as the entire purpose for our earthly relationships anyway!!!)

It’s been pure bliss, seriously, and I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with the man of my dreams in a season of life where I least expected it. But as our months together multiply, I am realizing the importance of seeing our relationship through the perspective of the long game, rather than the right-here-right-now do-what-feels-good-and-don’t-think-about-the-future mindset.

It’s something like this:

In the beginning of our relationship, he would sit outside on the porch swing and wait for me to pull up. One (PMS-infected) evening, I pulled up and he wasn’t on the porch. My first (Satan-sent) speculation was that our relationship must be growing stale. After all, wouldn’t social media convince me that he should be on the porch waiting (presumably with flowers) no matter what time of day I show up? 

But God in his kindness reminded me, firstly, that it was 35 degrees and raining. Then, he reminded me to think about the long game. When I walked into my boyfriend’s house, he was hovering over a pan of simmering ground beef - dinner for us. If he was waiting on the front porch (like my longing for immediate gratification would suggest), I would have no dinner. 

This goes deeper. In my selfishness, I want his full attention all of the time. Short game: I want all of his time and energy and I want every time we are together to just be focused on being together. But then the long game flashes across my mind: if I take all his time and attention now, that takes him away from loving his students well, creating his lessons well, and doing his job well. If he gives up all his time, energy, and effort and solely devotes it to me, we have no future (home, money, survivability, etc). He is an outstanding teacher with a heart for his kids - kids who are every bit as deserving of his attention as I am. The long game mentality allows me to see that the work he pours into teaching is, actually, an exhibition of his love for me. 

And then it gets darker. What about when my lustful desires come into the picture and I want immediate gratification in that regard? Awkward but not uncommon! The short game, as dictated by the world, would highly recommend we do what we want. And I want to! But my fiance’s God-fearing refusal to be physically intimate is not a lack of love. It's an abundance of it. It’s protection. Patience. Showing the long game is worth the wait. 

Which reminds me so much of our Savior Jesus. 

Our faith is not a short-game relationship. I think about the John 14 fiasco when Jesus tells his disciples he loves them so that he is leaving them. Queue the freakout! This man who they’ve been following for years claims to love them and is suddenly jumping ship?? But Jesus promises this: it is better if I go. 

And it was. Because our Savior is not a Messiah of instant gratification, he knew that the long game of leaving was worth the temporary departure. He knew that thirty years of persecution would be worth a lifetime of perfection. And he knows, in our own hearts, that the trials we face on this globe are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us!

In the same way my fiancé found it more worthwhile to (cook dinner, work hard at his job, abstain, etc.), my Savior is a savior of future glory and enduring faith for the long haul. He’s there in the quick fixes, for sure, but he also knows that if he were to answer every prayer/meet every need on the front porch in the moment of my asking, I will have no fulfillment! No cooked beef! Only the raw settlement of immediate gratification, quickly abandoned after only moments of delay. 

And for that reason, we worship! I am so thankful that my boyfriends’ long-game mentality points me to a picture of Jesus. I’m even more thankful that the relationship I get to experience on this earth is a beautiful glimpse of the forever relationship I get to have with the Savior who knows no shame in the long game.